Monday, September 1, 2008
Better Than You
A little pick me up. I was lying in bed with Freya cradled under my arms, wallowing in self pity to Memories of Light and Waves.
But I couldn't cry.
Not matter what I thought, I could not will myself to cry. I could not lose control.
So I got up, shooed Freya out of my room and washed my hands off uselessness and started cleaning my room. I felt accomplished, I felt like I was doing something even though I was procrastinating. Yes, I am aware I have a stack of homework to do. Yes, I am aware that as I lie there my fat deposits are sinking into my thighs and arse.
Yes, I woke up. And I believed I could do not better, but there was nothing I could do about it.
So now I blog.
So now I will carve my career for me; I will become the Advertising Executive. I will stop being nice and guilty, and give in to rotting in hell when I die. After all, I'll be in hell on Earth anyway - might as well be in hell when I die.
I must train myself to be mean, where once I trained myself (successfully I might add) to be nice, caring and the person I have become today.
Now where was I...
I've always wanted to bitch about people who idealise something to the point that they believe it so much they would do anything to achieve it. In particular, those girls (and it always is girls) brainwashed by TV.
Carrie Bradshaw is not a proper journalist. I am arrogant enough to point out that Sex and the City is bull and shit. I scoffed quite loudly on our first Introduction to Journalism lecture when people rose their hands in belief that magazine journalism is all about fashion, beauty and the "high life", or that newspaper journalism conveys freedom of speech and you can write about anything you want on whatever topic; that as a journalist, you can voice your opinions to the world.
Are you kidding?
What kind of rubbish utopia do you live in? It certainly isn't Earth.
Maybe I'm just too realistic. I am not ignorant of capitalism, and its hold on first world countries.
Money makes the world go round, honey.
A lowly writer has as much freedom as a spider in a jar. Enough to stretch your legs, but that jar is still a part of your captivity.
Unless you become editor, you have no such freedom. And even then, the editor is controlled by advertising, ethics, audience expectation and the people who pay your salary. You write what people tell you to write, what society dictates you can write.
And you have to do it their way.
You may have your name printed as the author of the article, but if the editor doesn't like your introduction it will be changed without your permission.
That, girls and boys, is life.
I just have to get that off my chest.
But oh, I'm not done with my rant yet.
Many guys, such as Porkie and Shu, say I epitomise consumerism.
Yeah? Well fuck you too.
You are nothing but passive activists (woo oxymoron) who understand nothing about reality and this world we live in. You have no right to judge me unless you're a traditional Amish or even Mormon, and even then they are compelled to submit to consumerism. They obvious drive cars made by bigot companies, pay for their water supply, buy labelled products.
You have no credential when you label me and others a consumer in that derogatory fashion.
And you know what else I dislike?
People who hate opinionated people. It is these people that have no respect for others.
These people go on about how opinionated people are annoying, that their efforts are futile and they are always in your face.
Surely, you saying opinionated people are bad is an opinion itself?
Hypocrites aren't pleasant people either.
I told M recently that I was one of those people who put on makeup on trains. She gave me an obvious, metaphysical objection.
"You're one of those people who put makeup on the train?"
Yeah...so?
I hate it when people look at me like I'm doing something wrong. I'm not bothering them, am I? If you don't like it, STOP LOOKING. Look out the window or something. Don't give me disapproving looks because I feel like an extra few minutes of sleep in the morning.
The only thing I believe I'm guilty of it showing people that I am not perfect.
What's wrong with makeup? Again, Porkie and Shu think I waste money on makeup.
I could say the same to you boys; stop buying the latest console or game, stop spending money of useless trading cards.
It is a hobby, and I am entitled to have my fun with makeup because it makes me feel pretty and it's fun putting it on. You don't have any objections to me painting, right? My face is just a canvas substitute.
So stop judging me T_T
Stop calling me insecure (even though I am), that I need makeup to make up for my deficiencies.
Just one more thing to say before I leave you readers alone.
Am I difficult?
Do you guys think I'm a difficult person to handle, that I am too outrageous or sassy or something? Emilia says I'm sassy lol.
That maybe I am too opinionated?
Perhaps I whine too much than is comfortable?
Am I asking for too much if I demand affection and attention?
I think that maybe, I am. I am difficult. I am too demanding. I am not worth the effort.
I tried breaking it off with Mr. N. After months, I failed to do even that. My hope must be crushed.
This is unhealthy for me.
No matter how endearing, no matter how perfect.
He will always be Mr. Right-One-Day.
5 comments:
I think a little optimism can help. There are plenty of people out there who are nice and can climb to the top, don't be swayed into conform to a certain type of people cuz you think it'll be easier to reach the top. I think sometimes (a lot of the time) you have too little belief in yourself and think you have to be like a certain this or that to be able to achieve what you want to achieve. That's not necessarily true. Too cynical T_T.
Yes i agree i hate people who hate opinionated people. If opinionated people didn't exist society would never move forward.
I dunno why when you said that i sorta just raised my eyebrow prob cuz i was reading some article before about someone who found those people amusing... and the fact that most people who do this on my train are old ladies clutching onto their youth. (then again I'll prob try and clutch onto my dear youth)
I guess you're difficult ish but not the in asking too much sorta thing. As in some people may feel intimidated by you? or your opinions. But so what? filter out those people who don't deserve to be your friend XD??
Move on, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wearing make-up on the train, spending time/money on make-up (although, being a uni student, spending $800+ on anything is WAY TOO MUCH)... but I'd think wearing make-up would be routine for you already, so why on earth are you worrying about it? (ie, stop worrying about somethign you believe in so strongly.)
New era here. (or maybe it's just growing up and uni) Almost EVERY GIRL I've seen, wear make-up.
Guys will never understand why we obsess over things, almost like why we may never understand them and their DotA. The only thing I'd do differently is to not discuss this topic with them, as I woudl hope they wouldn't discuss DotA in front of me.
Difficult? I'm not sure. But if I had told you yes, what would you do? WHat exactly would you try to change about yourself if anything?
I demand attention and affection as well and I expect everyone to conspire to help me achieve that..but it doesn't work that way, I must earn it, get out of my way to achieve it.
V.L
But, you never really notice that money until you keep track of it! And it includes all beauty products I've bought, so not just makeup. And actually it isn't a routine for me; I have days where I go without and feel perfectly fine. I am not relying on it, it's just fun.
It's always easier to conform than to be different. I've always been different, and for once I'm tired from it. I want an easier path where I can see my future.
If I ever go blind, I'd be so sad T_T
If you had told me yes Vvn, then you'd have given me another reason to forget N. I'd be less difficult to make life easier for everyone. I'd tame myself. I am willing to be a good, silent doll.
And I'll live my life in a loveless marriage as a tai tai :D!
My oh my, aren't we optimistic about our future?
The individual can gain power and influence through popularity - aka by being backed by a large amount of people.
The world you are describing is a world controlled by ideas. Where each person feels controlled by everyone else around them, and there is no obvious ruling body.
You can change that.
Oh and hating opinionated people? Now that's just lame...
When I go out in GothLoli (full on, not everyday uni GothLoli) I put make-up on in the train >O>
Not my fault I wake up late *swt*
Though, I'm not particularly "into" anything. Not games, not make-up...And once in a while I'll get GothLoli xD (Which some may believe to be a waste of money~)
Hmmm, difficult? Well, I wouldn't say you're not, but it's not because of the reasons you've listed.
You're a bit like a spoilt cat...with an opinion...
...
A whut?!
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