Sunday, August 31, 2008
Mou
I did not want it to be like this. I did not want it to sink so deeply into my heart-mind. I have lost my hold on myself: My psychological restraint. My muted emotions have only fermented, and the acrid stench has escaped the uneasy vessel of my deep subconscious. The miasma that follows is intoxicating. I swim in my own despair now as I tip toe along the edge of reason, along the edge of conversations within me. Discussions within me. Conflicts within me.
You’re not… for him….
He’s too… for you…
You will… alone…
You… find no others…
Lasting… impossible…
Are stupid… not succeed…
Why… torture…
I don’t understand how I can allow myself to ever be found in this situation again? Stupid boys grieving over stupid boys. Honouring what never existed. Mourning a fantasy.
So here I find myself upon the edge of reason, struggling to push forth. And yet, I endure. I will again the light. Again see the world. Again see Humanity.
And so I push forth towards another, brighter day.
-Garçon stupide de dysthymie
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3 comments:
One day you'll sit up, and realise that you don't need direction in life. You can just wander.
But as a quote on my wall says: Not all who wander are aimless.
Exactly my point. That's a ncie quote.
Too bad I NEED a direction and hate wandering :(
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