Lair of Flying Green Song Rabbits

Why? Why do you go to university?


Is it for your degree? For the prestige? For that certificate you'll finally receive that proves you can handle the job? To show your parents you can pass this milestone called 'university'?
Is it for the community? To meet people who have similar dreams as you, to make connections as soon as possible. To find famous lecturers and tutors to recommend you into the industry. Or are you trying to just find new people to befriend, to share with, to revel in that close-knit feeling you lost when high school ended? Or something as close as you can get now anyway...
Is it to excel? For popularity? Do you want to show the world how smart you are? That you could get into a university, that you could top your class, that you can write perfect essays, speak with eloquence, be unmatched in technical skill. Getting High Distinctions.
Is it for the skills you want to learn? Do you have an honest interest in the subjects you study? Does learning interest you? To gain knowledge in areas you enjoy, to continually improve yourself.
Who are you going to university for?
Yourself?
Your parents?
Or maybe you don't even know...

I recently conversed with some other students who did the same double degree that I started off with. I was mildly amused to find out everyone seemed to have failed at least one of their subjects due to the difficulty of balancing two different degrees at the same time.
Well, everyone except me apparently.
I'm not bragging, I'm deadly serious.
One kid managed to fail both his CompSci subjects, but he's still soldiering on in the double degree. Around 70% of us double-degree folks dropped out of comp sci.
Heh, I was one of them.
And I passed.
Don't get me wrong, I loved Computer Science. Doing it, I felt my calling as a programmer.
Code, I thought it'd be so hard to write...but it wasn't. It was almost like a game, each week we were set certain tasks. A deadline, scores for completion. It was like a puzzle. We were given a few tools, and told to make something happen with them.
The more tools we were given, the more powerful we became, but the harder the missions became.
It was fun.
As a programmer, I held full control of the computer. I could make things happen, I could create things. I could solve problems I never dreamed of solving by myself. My only limits were the kinds of syntax I could use, and the processing power of the computer I was on.
It was fascinating...could maths really hold all the answers to everything? A computer, something I've been using for over 12 years, yet still, this machine is so amazing.
But...to me, I failed as a programmer.
I couldn't pass the last gate of the first chapter.
I'm not worthy to be initiated into the programming world.
I couldn't work as a member of a team.
I can believe all that I want, but it wasn't them that failed me with their lack of programming skill. It was me who failed them with my arrogance and mistrust.
I couldn't let them do all the work, I didn't believe anyone was capable of completing any part of the task. They didn't have any good ideas, they were inferior.
In the end, it wasn't me who gave up on my friends (who, conveniently, aren't my friends any more - but why? Who couldn't forgive who for this little slip-up?), they gave up on looking up to me as a leader.
Well, in the end, they managed anyway right? They got the code done, it was messy, and ugly, and stupid and clumsy, but at least they did something right? That was more than what I could say.
I did nothing.
Sure, it didn't work, but at least they tried.
Me?
I just walked away.
I have a "Credit" next to my name for Computer Science that I don't deserve.
But...it wasn't all for nothing.
I guess to many, it feels like a wasted semester, wasted time. But I can still talk to computers, and I plan on continuing to do so. I will write graceful and elegant code, I'll use what I've learnt to do the best that I can. And if it's not enough...I'll just learn more.
I can use actionscript in my flash, javascript and php in my html, maybe even dare to meddle in C++ a bit to make graphic programs.
Because I loved programming, and that hasn't changed. When you find yourself typing up file names in camel-case, you know the programmer within you is just dying to bloom.
Ah no, no I don't care if 99% of the programming population is male, I don't care if my way of thinking isn't cut out for this. I've heard the call, I can still follow.