Lair of Flying Green Song Rabbits

I'm sitting here staring at my abnormally large muffin top, wondering if I would ever accomplish losing all this excess body mass.

My New Years resolution from 2 years ago was to lose weight and attain my ideal of 55kg with leaner thighs and tummy. Instead, I went from 62kg to 69kg as of just a couple of weeks ago.

Complete FML!

62kg doesn't seem that bad in comparison...

I suppose it is all just numbers and to be honest, it is. It doesn't really matter if you are a few kilos over as long as you still look healthy and glowing. After all, a girl with a bit of meat and likes to eat is very attractive.

Before I left for America I was roughly 63kg down from 65kg. It's hard to believe that I gained approximately 5kg in the space of a month, eating whatever I liked (majority of it made up of cheese and carbs). Not only that, when I came back I was visibly bigger; my cheeks were rounded again, my double chin more pronounced and my tummy bigger than I have ever seen it in my entire life.

And now I wonder to myself, do I deserve this with my uncontrollable gluttony and bad sleeping habits? It is definitely all my fault that I let this happen. I have not respected my body and give it the exercise, fibre and unsaturated fats that I need.

So I'm sitting here scratching my itchy arms, overworked from the vigorous jumping around I did earlier that strained my blood vessels.

I think about the cellulite beginning to form on my thighs and bottom, the same thighs and bottom that no longer fit my favourite Sass & Bide skinnies. Heck, I can't even pull up my new Levi's I just brought back from America!

I see the photos from the Gold Coast trip and cringe; did I always have those fat rolls on my back?

And lastly, I ask myself if I will continue growing wider and heavier as the years go by (I remember just several years ago when I was 54kg) and end up being 75kg in just a couple more years? What about after my first pregnancy, will I be one of those overweight mothers who can't drop the weight no matter how hard they try?

I shudder.

I realise the path I am on yet don't want to stop indulging in the newest foods. I have yet to try many things that I must eat before I die such as foie gras, squid ink pasta and rat. YES RAT!

As I stare at the bump that looks as though I am 3 months pregnant, I think "God, am I fat!".