Lair of Flying Green Song Rabbits

It's always a struggle for me to fit into the standards of society, physically that is. The type of body I have is neither here nor there.

While some would say I am fat, others would say I'm being too critical of myself.

I'm not exactly a brick, but I don't qualify as an hourglass either.

So where does my fashion do's and don'ts take place? Which do I follow? It's hard carving my own experiences because I waste money buying clothes that end up being unflattering, though would look nice on one extreme or the other.

And because I am still young and can still pull off a more hip, trendy fashion statement, many of these fashion blogs do no cater to my target market and it is invariably difficult finding my niche. (Omg marketing and advertising strategy is getting to me..)

Things would be so much easier if I shed 10cm off my waist, but I jsut took out my tape measure today and I'm less than 80cm which means I'm in the healthy weight range. Last time I measured I was 79, so maybe I lost weight?!??

I don't know what to wear now. It is true that I am more closer to hourglass than brick, but I don't want to wear wrap tops or dresses; I am too young to wear such clothes, only women 25+ will look their age wearing them. This struggle with my weight is extremely hard when I don't fit into the norms of society, I don't belong anywhere. Everywhere I go I am still a niche, unique and different. And I'm not even going to go into the fact that I'm a socialist (huzzah, capitalist democracy), realist and don't believe in unconditional love, complete freedom of speech or communism.

But Serena, you say, I thought you loved being different and unique, I thought you thrive from standing out and being non-conformist?

Sure, if I had ever enjoyed being alienated for nearly all of my life. Rejected from the 'norm', the 'standard', as I always was as long as I had conscious memory.

Sometimes I wish my name was Jennifer, living in The Hills and attending TAFE. Where issues like this is not an issue at all, and my only worry in life was doing my homework.





And then I look back and scoff at the conventional lives of fools around me.


Do I hate myself?