Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Four months and seven weeks ago...
Listening to: Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy
Reading: Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Wants: MAC eyeshadow in Amber Lights.
I had my current priorities the other way. Relationships was my focus and I lapsed with education, scoring a bloody blarney of a mark! Now, when my institutional affairs are in order, I find myself faced with multiple fears of the distanced.
My mother is ashamed of who I am...
My mother makes living in this roof hellish mental abuse...
I got fired, my best friend is gone, I'm in financial crisis and my mother requires surgery...
I don't exist in this house...
I can't save myself, my mother and my brother from the harm he's causing...
The one who loves me can not quench my emptiness...
I will never be on the same level as them...
I can't bring myself to try...
It's no wonder American cinema makes up 99.9% of theatre screenings. Australian styles of reality, pain, solitude and non-existent love/marriages fit too closely to our lives. We don't need to be reminded nor encouraged to give into cookies and Satan.
Feliks Skrzynecki, Romulus, My Father, Jindabyne.
What's the point of idly being here?
My expectations and hopes for humanity are in vain. P platers will always drive recklessly with no regard to street etiquette, teenage boys will always yell and jeer in public places, families will still be evicted with nowhere to go, people will always smoke whereever and whenever they please, a mother will always yell at her child, girls will be raped and abused, interest rates will keep rising.
Why are we here?
We don't see the simple pleasures of flashing silver scales.
When was the last time you breathed in mountains?
Do you know the feeling of holding eye contact with an animal?
No...?
How heavy really is the sand between your feet, the tiny molecules of rock and silicon. It can crush you with sheer weight.
Wet grass, right after a torrent. Getting the heel of your shoe stuck in mud.
We are too preoccupied.
I'm sorry to sound so solemn. Everybody is unhappy and unsatisfied lately.
~~~
` With love...Serena
Did I say I cut my finger on a coffee cup? My 'friend' Audrey also did that, lol. I are teh lame!
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