Lair of Flying Green Song Rabbits

Maybe it's the weather affecting me, or perhaps a strong sense of nostalgia. It could be the fact that I just read some intense blogs or it's 2am in the morning and I can't sleep (I am in bed as I type this). I have many reasons for this post, for example, Marweechi and not to mention others that are still confused. It might be time that I made this official, and of course out in the open for those who never knew.

This will be a text intensive post. I am talking about how Mr. N and I came to be. This is our history as I know it.

I am hard-pressed to call myself saintly; hypocrite might be a better word.

In the beginning, there was a Butterfly and a LyChee.

They came upon a Maple tree that gave them new life and a new form of procrastination, where I eventually joined them and became a beta player in the 2D MMORPG MapleStory on the eve of 2005. Shortly after several months of trying to catch up to the higher levels, the game closed down to be replaced with the official version on May 11, 2005. I was one of the few who made a character that night and did not stop playing for about a year thereafter.

I was a reclusive player, I was normal. I was also obsessed with my personal vendetta *coughcompetitivecough* with Midori's Mr. D. They were not dating then, so I was free to be as big a bitch as I wanted to him :) We raced to be the first of our real life friends to reach level 100, which he won in the end and I was in my 90s. After my reason for playing was gone, I quit. But that hasn't happened yet.

The friends I made in-game I have not forgotten and forged many good friendships and relationships thanks to it. It has also allowed me to be someone I was afraid or too proud to be in reality: nice, diplomatic and just plain sweet (although SOMEONE would say I was a cynical little freak and his name is Tizz). Poon and Tizz from Sydney, and Rob from Canada* I have met in person. I keep in near constant contact with several from the States and a dear friend and mentor who resides in London and will be marrying his longtime girlfriend soon, to the smugness of us all who knew them 3 years ago.

True story.

Anow for a slightly different and more relevant story -_- You must excuse me as I am prone to rating on different tangents.

It was late in the year, Nov-Decish when I did something out of character that carved a new road in my life. I became friends with a Maplebrity whose connections reached far and wide, and enemies even wider. JC made me an administrator in her mage forum, and I began to make a name for myself offline and online.

At the turn of the year, I was offered a place in her guild with then 'famous' bowman Steve, her boyfriend, and eventually was promoted to the highest rank with moderator powers. As an admin, I was also a human resource manager and had the pleasure of accepting and rejecting the resumes of applicants to the ever expanding guild. This gained me much recognition, and a reputation that I upheld quite willingly.(Is it sad that I talk about a game like it's my job? Yes, it is.)

I was probably starved for a bit of fantasy. In the cyber world I could be a part of, I lived as I would have liked to live in real life. I hung out with the right people, I became popular and was well liked. It was thrilling, but also disappointing as I couldn't release my true colours at school because I had already created an unfavourable impression there. People would think I'm flakey if I was so transient.

I met Mr. T from the forum, and Mr. N from the guild as a friend of a good friend, the British one, around January 2006. It was unfortunate that I also met Karina, who would be the source of betrayal and pain for the next few months; in short, she liked T who liked me which I didn't know so I was matchmaking them in the background. It's an Emma Woodhouse moment, and naturally it backfired just as badly with the revelation that I also had feelings for T.

On the side, N became...curious with the strange girl in his guild and began relentlessly harassing the poor thing with personal, deep questions about her skewed and rather interesting, unique view of life. It got to the point where she had to ask Tizz on advice on how to deal with stalkers.

In the end, the lure of T, who was in fact quite famous in his own right and was also on better terms with her, and his faster response to competition allowed him to get the girl before N could even react. The devastation was massive and the guilt, terrible. But what was done, was done.

And then it was TK and Serena.

But not without repurcussions.

I had released my claim on T for Karina for she seemed to like him more than I, and I wasn't really looking for a relationship. However he had no interest in her, and only put up with her depression and whining because he thought she was my friend. Love triangles are lame.

N was upset that he was too slow and too afraid to make a move. He gave up then, but still continued to be a friend. He eventually dabbled in the elite social circle of MapleStory with the highest level characters, and joined them when our guild disbanded and members left.

Anyway.

T and I did not last long, 7 months and 8 days in fact before I called the 'relationship' off. It just didn't work out and it became emotionally unhealthy, for the both of us but particularly me.

I needed a savior and I was given a victim.

I did not need to rescue when I needed rescuing myself. He was not 'there' for me, but instead I had to be there for him, comforting him and soothing him while inside I screamed from the hole I had fallen in long ago. Oh, how morbid! Lighter note!

It took...another half year or so before he got over it. To this day I suspect he is still bitter about it though he claims not to be.

Mr. N took me the way I was anyway, and his feelings have not changed in over a year. That's hard to believe though, considering he lives in America.

This is where I become the biggest hypocrite in the world.

I did say that I would never be involved with someone who did not live within 100km radius. I did say that I judged those who would be stupid enough to commit to an online relationship. I hated N's guts at the beginning, best of all.

Long distance relationships will strain your nerves, break your heart repeatedly and give more doubt to an already insecure person.

After several breakups and getting back together, which I call my "hot n cold" years (listen to Katy Perry's song and you'll understand what I mean, only I'm the guy and he's the girl), we are here. Swallowing my huge pride and becoming vulnerable to someone else, making the move to reject reality and prudence.

Madly in love.

Ever insecure.

Self-conscious.

Seeing each other for the first time. It's kinda fucked up. Really fucked up.

But I'll take it.

* Must read my old blog from xanga to know this.