Lair of Flying Green Song Rabbits

Listening to: The Garden of Everything - Steve Conte feat. Maaya Sakamoto
Reading: ABB
Wants: Black lace gloves.


I just dug up a really old poem/one shot I wrote back in 06. It was very very private at the time, and for some people perhaps the date September 06 might ring a bell?

I think I shall share something I kept for years.

I called it 'Secret Identity'.


It is mind crushing, mundane and confusing. A symbol of emotion so strong it is almost excruciating.
She knew him for a few years, never spoken a word or glanced at him twice. He watched her from afar, never thinking about it a second time. Their eyes met and felt nothing.
Emotionless.
There was nothing between them. For what reason would there be? They have never talked. They barely knew who each other were.
He saw her once, twice, thrice. Didn’t even know her name.
She didn’t know he existed.
But luck has never been on their sides and they talked for the first time. Indirectly, not even personally. They said hello.
Began a conversation, indirectly. They never stopped and talked with their mouth. It was through the mind.
She didn’t know him, couldn’t predict him. He didn’t try to know her.
It was a long process, for she was in denial.
I can’t love. I love nobody. Nobody loves me.
He never thought that she would like him.
Little by little, her heart lightened. She was happier. He was grateful. He had her cooperation and her help and she never let him down.
She wanted him to know how she felt. She wanted to tell him.
What can I lose? I have nothing. Nobody loves me.
She couldn’t say a single word. She lied her way through, forgetting about her true intentions. He was oblivious. He did not notice. She thought he didn’t notice.
He thought of her as a friend. Thought nothing more. She thought so too.
Her happiness ceased. Her heart tightened and eyes spilled invisible cascades.
It cannot be.
Lonely. Obsessed. Victimised emotions.
It wasn’t, she knew it. He cannot have.
Lost. Overrated. Violated. Ephemeral. Desperate. Holistic. Eternally rejected.
Her mind broke down with her body. She couldn’t bear to have him so close yet so far. He was oblivious. He did not notice. She thought this was so.
Until it was time for them to part, she still could not tell him. Perhaps she should live her life regretting it. Forever not knowing what he thought of her. Did he.
Forgotten. Ending. Estranged. Longing. Trusted. Horrified. Existed. Solace. Admitted. Manipulated. Embarrassed.
She would never know. Because she was.
Awry. Fearful. Regretful. Angered. Isolated. Deserted.
Then one day, her heart shattered before her very eyes.
He pursued his heart for.
Healing. Elegance. Realisation. Friendship. Recognition. Idealism. Endless Need. Devotion.
She couldn’t let him know. She won’t let him know.
And she will tell nobody.
Because her someone else loved her.
Because she loved him.
And he couldn’t love her back because he was crushed.
As she was too.
His heart was broken by the one he loved. Indirectly. She never loved him.
He loved another, who broke his heart. She left him alone. He couldn’t trust another with his heart.
He was.
Breathless. Revoked. Oppressed. Killed. Eaten. Neglected.
He was alone.
Because of another, he was rejected and she wept for him. She kept her heart to herself. Because she chose her friends over her love.
She wanted to be loved, but had lost it for another.
He lost all light, all hope, all trust. He no longer opened his heart to another.
And she died. I can never love.
I hate you all.


This was made after my webdings re-translation failed and I lost a bit of creative works. I like writing in code :) It's funny because back in the day, I hated the 'L' word and hated people saying it, but this piece reeks of repetition.

Very worthy of going into my diary.

I've been rather lonely recently, as Kebu knows. I'm losing focus on uni, not that it matters a whole lot since uni is technically over, but still. I've been taking it out on my wallet by spending like mad. I bought silver and black flats yesterday, they are quite comfy and cute but virtually useless except for semi-formal events or clubbing - I don't go to either of those things by the way. Minglez's birthday is next so we shall see...hehe.

Oh I'm rambling. I don't know. My head and my heart is in a mess. I don't know what I want, and I also want so much. Stop talking about loved ones, people. It makes me sad I have nobody (you know what I mean) except my princess.

Love you all, my girls =p

~~~

` S